Mom, if you are reading this, you will probably want to grab a tissue, I'm talking about grandparents today.
Yesterday afternoon (Sunday, August 12), my wife's grandma passed away. Even though it was somewhat expected, it is always hard once it actually happens. I find comfort in that she is in heaven probably telling someone there about her past cruises :-) Her passing made me think about my own grandparents' passing.
First, Pawpaw (my grandpa) passed away in September 2006. My favorite memory of him involved a "bender-back" sandwich. Sometimes in kindergarten, Pawpaw would pick me up if my mom couldn't make it. He would often make me lunch, but this day would go down in history. He made me a bender-back...for those of you who don't know, a bender-back is a sandwich made on one piece of bread, folded over. Growing up, I had only seen a sandwich with two piece of bread. Looking back, I can see that I was a dumb kid that thought it would taste differently. After I complained to him, he told me, "Shut up, and eat it." While that may seem harsh to the modern parent, it was just what I needed. I needed to be verbally-slapped so I could see that it was a dang sandwich...get over yourself kiddo! Maybe I am making too much of it, but that is one of the few vivid memories I have from my childhood. To this day, I remember where I was sitting in their kitchen that afternoon. I don't remember if the sandwich tasted better or worse than other sandwiches I've had, but that was the most memorable, lesson-filled sandwich of my life.
His passing was somewhat sudden. It seemed as if in a month or so, he was gone. Pawpaw used to smoke, but he gave up the habit later in his life. As he got older, he had to use oxygen tanks in order to breathe. He also developed emphysema. If you want to know how emphysema feels, take a huge deep breath in and hold it for couple seconds. After those couple seconds, try to breathe in more air. Pretty hard, huh? I can't imagine dealing with every minute of every day. Pawpaw passed away in mid-September 2006. I took his death very hard. It was so sudden. I began to question if staying in college was best or if I needed to wait. I came to the conclusion that he would have wanted me to stay in college and pursue my degree.
Granny (my grandma) was a fantastic lady. Josh (my brother) and I knew that if we wanted some scrambled eggs, to play a game of Wahoo, or a back-scratching we could go to Granny. One vivid memory I have of her comes from a family road trip to Canada. While Pawpaw, Mom, and Josh went to have crab legs (I think) at a local park in Oregon, Granny and I stayed at the hotel (or cabin, inn, etc) and ate McDonald's. We ate by the window and just watched the ocean, hoping to see a whale. Nothing transcendent happened, just a great time spent with Granny.
I'm not exactly sure when, but my grandma experienced a stroke when I was between 10-15 years old. I remember her asking me why I had jumped up on the wall the night before and stuck there. While I may have chuckled when she asked me, I began to realize that her mind was fleeting. After she had the stroke, she started to regain her memory. Later in her life, she began to develop something similar to Alzheimer's, if not Alzheimer's itself. It was hard to sit in the room and wonder if she knew who we were. The lady who had given us countless back-scratches may not know our names. I'd like to say her passing was easier, but no death is easy. It was more gradual than Pawpaw. It was not as sudden. If I remember correctly, on the one year anniversary of Pawpaw's death, she stopped eating. In mid-September 2007, Granny passed away. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't immediately drive home from school. I had a paper/exam that week and I guess I was in denial. After I heard, I had to get away from people and be alone. I walked around campus for a while thinking about what just happened.
The same night she passed away, I had sent a few Facebook messages to a beautiful, blonde in the TCU band, Christine Schwaebler. Needless to say, Septembers have had profound affects, good and not-so-good, on my life.
You are never really appreciative of your grandparents until they are gone. So, to those of you who have grandparents, or if your parents are now grandparents, do what you can to spend time together. Even if you have personal struggles with your own parents, do not force your children to fight your battles, let them get to know their grandparents. They are a great source of love, wisdom, and care. Cherish every minute together.
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